Workout partners...what to do?

So my BFF and I started this adventure mid-May 2011. She was so pumped. Now, I'm doing this alone. It sucks for a couple of reasons. Who wants to go to the gym alone? Not most people. Also I have panic attacks and have already had one at the gym. I am so uncomfortable there! It is making it hard for me to workout. I got a whole 10 minutes in today....oh wow. I just don't know what to do. I need this! I want this! But I can't help the panic and anxiety. I need a buddy.

Brynn's Blinky

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What's been up lately.

I am not one for writing or reading, and blogging is some of both. However, I figure it's good for me to gets some things off my chest so to speak. Not that I don't do that anyway. Plus I enjoy reading my own past blogs.

I have been so busy lately watching everybody's kids. You really have no idea. I'm babysitting right now. Well they are all actually in bed now. ::sigh of relief:: Sometimes I'm at my breaking point to where I have just had enough. I get upset because all of these kids make me not want ones of my own. Ten years ago that's all I wanted. Only time will tell. But not to much time. I want kids before I'm 35 or shortly thereafter, and I'm 29 now.

I had a birthday party for Michael Jackson this past Saturday. I had been wanting to have a get-together but just hadn't done it. And being that I LOVE MJ, it gave me a good reason to just do it. Even though the turn out wasn't huge, it was good. I was not disappointed. Why would I be? I got to play MJ videos and music all day and nobody could complain.

Lacey came with her three boys. Chelsea came with her four kids. Albeit late, Dianna and Jayson came with Trace. Scott stopped by for cake and I already had Zavier. Harmony wanted to come to support me, but ended up having to work. But I ain't mad about it. I did it for me...I did it for Michael.

So life has been just going along with it's usual ups and downs. And then today I get a letter under my door saying that it has been brought to management's attention that I tether my dog outside and that according to rule number blah blah, letter blah, under section whatever, that is not allowed.

So naturally I am upset and almost livid. I walk out of my apartment door to go talk to management and there's the manager walking down my way. So we stopped and talked right there. I am standing there in tears. I understand rules are rules but we have lived there almost 3 years and now I just have to stop letting her out on a chain. She will be 6 tomorrow. (Happy birthday Sweet Cheeks!) How am I supposed to tell her that she can't go sunbathe or sit in the night breeze and watch the world go by? Zoe without a doubt knows some English but not enough for me to explain this. It hurts me that I will have to ignore her whines and nudges to go outside. She's going to think I'm being mean to her and I'm not. Oh the more I type the more mad I get.

The thing of it is, is that I know it's just old crabby neighbors making life hard for me. I've been told by other tenants that this one lady was going to give me hard time due to my age and my dog. I even informed management that she would be causing me problems when she first moved back in. And look...problems. No this isn't the first one. She's already went to management telling them she thinks I have men in and out of there. Guess what! NOT YOUR BUSINESS! Management (Cindy) acts like she understands my point and that these people are old and grouchy, yet I am still the one that pays. So I told her that I was sick of being picked on and that I didn't' want to live there anymore. She said she didn't want me to move and that I was a good tenant. Well then why do you let these people make hell for me? I told her that these people don't care if I have a place to live or not, AND SHE AGREED.

The plan? I don't really know. I want out of there. I want a backyard. A backyard seems simple enough...it's not. I want to go next door and ask the neighbor (a.k.a. Hagatha) what her problem is. But of course my grandma says I have to be nice about it. Why? I've never been mean to these people and look what they do to me. I was planning on killing "Hagatha" with kindness but just can't muster it up. So what to do? Financially I don't have many options. Move in with somebody or move to the ghetto. My family doesn't want me to move to the ghetto but nobody is stepping up to help. Financially they could but I'm not asking and they're not volunteering. So I feel helpless and hopeless.

Tomorrow is a whole new day. Thing is, it's going to be a hard one with Zoe wanting to kick it outside, LIKE DOGS DO. I'm hoping to see some light at the end of this tunnel soon. Whatever tunnel I'm in, I'm in it with Zoe. She's my best friend! She never lets me down and I don't want to let her down.

R.I.P. M.J.J.

I have been a Michael Jackson fan for as long as I can remember. "Thriller" came out when I was just 2 years old. It was one of my very first records. I even love "The Jackson 5". And if you know me, you know that I named by beloved cat/son Jackson Michael back in 1995.

The shocking news of Michael Jackson's death yesterday just seems unreal to me. I'm not sure it's hit me yet. Last night I slept with a "Thriller" T-shirt that I used to wear as a child. And probably will for several more nights. Not that I slept much. I was in bed only 5-6 hours and woke up several times. It didn't help that Zoe had decided to sleep in her own nigh-night.

The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that NOBODY can hurt him ever again! Part of me just feels numb. But life must go on and it will. Actually I'm doing better than expected. I hope that Michael hangs out with Jackson in Heaven, and that they take care of each other. I hope they look down on me from time to time. Jackson knows I love him. I hope Michael can now see the love I honestly have for him. I'm sure he never received the cards and letters I'd mailed to him in the past.

I hope God is with the Jackson family. Lord be with his 3 sisters, 5 brothers, his mother Katherine, and even his father Joseph. Also be with his nieces and nephews. God bless the 3 children he left behind. May the Lord help the Jackson family and us fans all around the WORLD to grieve, to heal, and to make sense of all of this.

I am more proud of my memorabilia than ever. I have shirts, hats, posters, books, records, cassettes, Cd's, and VHS. Some of my prized MJ memorabilia are my dolls. Two of my dolls are in mint condition, still in the box! Like Brynn suggested, I may have to look into insuring them. As she had brought up selling them. You'll have to pry my MJJ stuff from my cold dead hands. Only when I got to Heaven to meet him myself may those things be sold. They are truly priceless to me. They always have been.

There's no place like home.

The steaks are on the grill. Actually I think they're about done. After that I will be on my way back to Kansas. And the plan is to sleep. I like falling asleep in OK and waking up in KS. It makes for a much shorter trip. It's bitter sweet. I miss that dog! But other than that, I'm pretty relaxed down here. I even asked to go for a boat ride today. Which is something I don't do. I'm afraid of drowning. I didn't used to be. We used to vacation here all the time when I was younger. So I've been around this place my whole life. But for some reason as I got older I got afraid of the water. Ooooh lunch is ready. Later!

I'm OK!

Brynn, this blog's for you!

So, I am in Oklahoma right now. Hence the title "I'm OK!" I usually say to people, "You know how they say Disney World is the funnest place on earth? Well, Oklahoma is the exact opposite of that." I got here last night around 9. Due to a late start thanks to none other than...yours truly. I had to take Zoe (my dog) to the sitter, and pick up my Tupperware before I could go to my mom's. Scott and Zavier were there waiting for me to deliver Scott's Tupperware. Of course we talked a little, but really not that much. Anyway, I've been here less that 24 hours. Actually my feelings are kind of torn. On one hand I just want to be home. Especially with Zoe Lynn. On the other hand, I am relieved that I don't have to worry about everyday life and chores. Well, maybe not "everyday chores". Lord knows I don't do chores everyday. In fact that is part of the problem. They are inspecting all 1st floor apartments on the 28th and mine's a mess! OK , OK. I don't want to think about that right now.

Back to what I've done so far in OK. Make sure you're sitting down for this...if you know me. I went to bed around 11. Yes, 11pm. I woke up around 7am. I knew I was going to be so out of it today, but it will help me sleep tonight. I slept in a room all by myself, because my snoring bothers my mom. It hurts my feelings but whatever...I got a full size bed and room to myself. Usually my mom and I sleep in the same room on two separate twin beds.

To begin the day, my grandma made breakfast. She made biscuits, gravy, fried eggs, and bacon! I just love her cooking.

After showering and all that good stuff, we went to Miami. It was just me, my mom, and my grandma. My great-grandma lives in Miami, OK, but she is down here at my G-Unit's (Grandparent's) house to visit with us. While in Miami we went shoe shopping and to Wal-Mart. Gotta love Wally World. That's all they have around these parts. Seriously, we drove 40 minutes to get to that Wal-Mart. I cat napped on the way back. I kept waking myself up with my snoring.

We had a late lunch...almost supper. I had put in my food order last week. We had round steak, brown gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, cottage cheese, and corn on the cob. Don't you wish you were here? I believe we are having homemade ice cream tonight. That too was on my food order. Steaks on the grill are on the menu for tomorrow!

The reason we are down here is to see my "Great". She will be 90 next month. She was born in 1919. Isn't that awesome? It's getting a little scary too. You see my G-Unit was just in KS 2 weeks ago, but my great-grandma didn't feel well enough to come with them. I took some photos of everyone today, and if I figure out how to post them, I will. I really like the one's of my great-grandma. I think they would look good in black and white.

I guess that's about it for now. Doesn't seem like much, but it's the most I've ever written on here.

PS. Today would have been my son's (my cat) 14th birthday. Happy birthday Jackson Michael.